As my journey continues on the path of self discovery I’m learning sometimes the way God demonstrates Him power and care isn’t always to my understanding. A season of self-examination is an essential part of the transformation process and the renewal of the mind.
Awareness of self is one thing but to own up to my rotten habits and outdated behaviors and beliefs are another.
It takes more than willpower to let go and come out of hiding from self.
It takes honesty, faith and trust that He will empower me to confess my sinful thoughts and actions then become willing to turn away from them.
God is calling me to clean out the inside of my cup and take out the trash.
But I like my garbage.
It smells bad to others but I have become acquaint with it. I’ve been living with it all my life. It’s who I am or is it?
Although I love the LORD I’m not always willing to do what He says especially when it comes to taking an honest look at my motives and my attitude. I’m sensing the Holy Spirit is moving on a difference journey with me. He’s guiding me down a path I wasn’t prepared to take or am I?
Has God been preparing me and I wasn’t aware? I don’t believe Jesus would call me to look at my past if He wasn’t planning on going with me.
I like being prepared before I follow. You know how people prepare to clean up their credit before they talk to a real estate agent. Not knowing the agent job is to help them in that area too.
When I have to see first that’s not faith. That’s not surrendering my all. That’s not being a living sacrifice.
I surrendered to the fact that everything I thought I knew about myself was a lie. God revises me daily with the truth. (There is nothing like finding out you’re not the person you thought you were.)
Owning up to my sins and turning away from them is the truth. The only truth that can set me free.
I thought all God required was being good and staying out of trouble.
Deny, rationalizing, justifying, blaming, withdrawing are all lies and they kept me from seeing and facing reality. They kept me from facing the truth about who I am.
I AM…I AM… I AM made in His image.
God is saying it’s time for me to get butt-naked honest. I don’t want to be seen naked by God. I’m no different from Adam.
One day while working in the yard God asked, “Vernon do you love Me?”
I thought to myself I know God didn’t just ask me the same question He asked Peter?
I remember God asking Peter three times so I counted…one.
Peter had a hard time forgiving himself. I know I at times have a very hard time forgiving myself.
After working in the yard I showered then went upstairs to the War Room.
“Vernon do you love me?” That’s two.
“God you know I love you,” I wasn’t going to give Him another opportunity to ask me again.
I picked up my Bible.
“Then why are you so hard on yourself?” He asked. “You often wonder how can you love your family and still hurt them.”
“Yes LORD I do. If I loved them I wouldn’t let them down as much,” I glanced at a picture of my moms and sister.
I miss them.
“Who told you in order for you to love your family you have to love them perfectly? It’s alright that you love others imperfectly.”
“I have forgiven you and forgotten your sins. I accept you the way you are.”
“Vernon I don’t want you be like others who claims they love me but I never knew them. That’s why we’re about to take a journey into your past and find the little boy who’s begging to come home to me.”
“But there are defects, hurts, hang-ups, beliefs and shortcoming that’s stopping me from flowing through you to others. I need My Word to dwell in your heart because people act on what’s in their hearts. It’s time to prepare you to go feed My sheep.”
I turned my Bible to Isaiah after being instructed by the Holy Spirit:
God say, “Rebuild the road! Clear away the rocks and stones so my people can return from captivity.” Isaiah 57:14 NLT
“It’s time for Me to clear the road inside you so I can free you then use you to free my people.”
The power from self-discovery comes from traveling within with God hand in hand then allowing Him to rebuild you a new life.