I grew up wanting to know you. How I wished you would had given me first consideration in all you did and for us to have a loving relationship.
I fantasized us tossing baseball together in the street or the park. I like baseball but football and boxing was my favorite two sports.
Could you teach me how to work on cars like some of my friend’s fathers do was a question I had for you if we ever met. I heard you was a good car mechanic. I would had been willing to get my hands dirty for time spent with you.
As a child denial told me there was nothing wrong being raised by a single parent not knowing I would spend most of my life excelling hoping one day I would be accepted by you.
My teachers said I was a bright fast learning kid with a positive attitude. Math was my favorite subject.
The school wanted to move me up a grade but moms wasn’t having that. I think I learned fast because I’m a lefty. I often wondered if you’re left-handed too.
And my football coaches would say I was a natural-born leader and motivator. They said I was another coach on the field. What I loved most about playing football was I allowed to play with anger. I had a lot of anger.
Dad that was another side of me as a child that I never liked. I was mean, moody and had a short temper. Did I say I was angry?
I used drugs and drunk alcohol at a young age to fit in, but mostly, to feel normal.
I never felt normal growing up because I believed there was something wrong with me if my Dad didn’t want to know me and be in my life.
Today I have a loving relationship with my other Father.
God told me I’m not a victim and encouraged me to write you this letter. He explained to me that a lot of my anger as a youth was because of confusion. God isn’t the author of confusion.
My Father told me He had big plans for my life but in order for me to walk in my freedom I must look back at my past and let go of any bitterness, un-forgiveness or resentments I may have toward anyone.
He taught me I have suppressed feeling that I’m not aware of.
I heard you have passed away, but I want you to know I never felt bitter towards you or had any resentments. I just wanted us to have a loving relationship.
Pops mostly I want you to know that I forgive you. Although we never met I love you and hope to see you after this life.
Happy Father’s Day Dad
love your son,