How To Survive Threats In Second Marriage The First Never Faced

photo-1457567657350-e466f048174a (3)Remember when you first met and fell in love with your spouse? There was no criticism or judging in the beginning just enjoying each other by focusing on the other’s good qualities.

Love was obvious with every smile, every touch and every laughter.

But not long after your beautiful wedding you began to see the reality of marriage life.

Differences on household chores, parenting children and paying bills stared you in the face like a Rottweiler staring at an intruder.

Sooner than expected you learned things about one another you didn’t consider.

For instance, how his un-manageability with his emotions affect you and your family and how he wants to control EVERYTHING.

He struggles with you sitting comfortably in front of the TV for hours while the house is in dire need of some cleaning.

Because he lack the courage to ask you to clean, he walks around the house pouting like a baby.

To make matter worse, you picking up some extra pounds causes him to farther withdraw.

Hanging out late drinking with the boys is a good idea as he tries desperately to mask his feeling and his reality.

These challenges along with many others, began to set over your marriage like an overcast making the future look dark and gray.

Your new living conditions caused you both to forget all you loved about one another. And as time passed, you find yourself emotionally distance and focusing on your spouse’s shortcoming and flaws.

The only thing you can agree on in years is to divorce and swore you would never marry again.

All relationships go through seasons of ebb and flow. Many people believe getting married will make them whole by filling their spiritual void.

When lessons of marriage is taught God is trying to teach you about yourself not your spouse. Why? Because He knows you only can control and change yourself.

A big problem in marriage is not embracing each other differences which cause one to try to control the other.

Growth in marriage occurs in the wilderness: Money, He being a momma’s boy or she try to control her grown children. Sexual incompatibility. He snores. She feels like she’s working the hardest to make it work.

 It’s here you learn marriage only works by depending on God, letting go of control and showing patient and tolerance.

Each of us have defects of character and usually while dating you only see your partner’s best character representative.

That why some believe in living together for at least two years before tying the knot.

They want to test drive before they buy as they like to put it.

Understand no matter how long you live together (or test drive) before getting married, you will never graduate because it’s a constant learning experience.

Sadly the days of fighting for marriage and being committed until death do us apart are lone gone.

When couples get into unhealthy marriages it  destroys them mentally, emotionally, financially and spiritually.

I believe that’s because each haven’t taken the time to learn themselves. In marriage you need to regularly look at yourself as you face the temptation of wanting to blame your spouse.

Remind you that a broken marriage has a serious effect of your relationship with God and your new spouse.

I know because unfortunately I have first hand experience with the pain of a broken marriage that spilled over into my marriage today.

Marriage is God’s idea and going into your next marriage with this in mind will help when spiritual traps threaten your second marriage.

Here are three simple reminders to remember as God binds your marriage through His love:

THREAT 1: YOU’RE NOT OVER YOUR FIRST MARRIAGE

It took me a long time to accept this fact. My denial ran deep but not so deep Nicole didn’t notice.

In a kind and loving way, my wife told me I’m still grieving my first marriage.

She explained it’s impossible for a person who’s been married for 16 years to be over it so quickly and not experience pain. Looking back I can see how my denial wasn’t allowing me to give Nicole my all.

It took me two years to admit my denial and only then she could enjoy ALL of me,

SUGGESTION:

Don’t compare your earlier spouse with your new one because it’s a red flag you’re not over you ex.

Instead, ask God to remove any jealousy, bitterness or resentment you may have towards your ex.

And when your new spouse reminds you of your ex (and they will) you’ll be free to focus on their positive qualities and appreciate their uniqueness thus strengthening your marriage.

THREAT 2: YOU FEAR YOUR SECOND MARRIAGE WILL END IN DIVORCE

I don’t like when my old self resurfaces when my marriage isn’t going as I like. Sometimes my old thinking and actions appear even though I know God said I’m a new creatures in Him.

This causes me to have fears. One of them is living out my past mistakes.

Thank God I have new coping skills today.

Although the devil reminds me of my past failures remembering past victories help me guard against these sinful thoughts and reminds me I don’t have to fear what I’m thinking.

And you can do the same by remembering all your past failures and mistakes are graciously forgotten.

SUGGESTION:

A second marriage demands you learn from your past failures.

The success of it is based on what you learned from your previous marriage and how you’re willing to apply what your learned. When I say learned I’m referring to what you have learned about YOURSELF.

Mother always said there’s nothing wrong with making mistakes just don’t make the same mistake twice.

It’s this insight that will help you get through negative thoughts.

God tells you to cast away your fears. What He’s really telling you is to trust your new life and marriage to Him.

THREAT 3:YOU’RE NOT PREPARED TO BLEND TWO FAMILIES

“You favor your children.”

“He’s Not my Daddy.”

“Why you marry him?”

These are comments you may hear when blending two families.

Having negative thoughts and feeling about your spouse’s children will build a wall between you and your spouse so don’t bury them.

Satan wants to plant those seeds in your mind and heart then sit back and watch them grow and destroy your new family God have blessed you with.

SUGGESTION:

When the time is right share those thoughts and feeling with your spouse. You will be surprise of what you find out.

There is a chance your spouse will react with anger because no one wants to hear negative thoughts about their children.

But being vulnerable is the only way your going to be able to draw close to God and your spouse. Trust me it’s worth the risk.

How exiting it is to start over again! There is hope.

Your second marriage can be successful if you learn to turn your focus away from your past and toward God and His power. Remember no two friends are the same so no two marriages are the same either.

ASK YOURSELF:

In looking for a spouse, what’s the key ingredient to me?

What am I most grateful for in my marriage?

 

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