Most Problems In The Home Are From The Husband’s Inability To Lead

There’s a divine order that God have for the home. An order He put in place for the home to have spiritual guidance and peace. The Husband is to follow Christ, wife follow husband, and children is to follow and respect both the husband and wife. When the home isn’t in the order God intended then family tension and conflict become common and even normal.

I grew up without a male figure in the home. My mother took care of everything. She cooked, cleaned and discipline me and my brother. She paid all the bills. She was the head of household.

Mom did a great job raising me and my brother and I’m grateful for that. But me growing up watching my mother lead our home distorted my belief on how a home is. Only my experience and God’s grace would change that belief.

After having my first child at the age of sixteen I decided to move in with my baby’s mother out of fear of my son growing up not knowing his father. Today, I know I should had never made that choice because of fear. I tried leading the home the way I seen my mother lead the home, by keeping the house clean and going to work. That’s all I knew.

When problems arise I respond with anger and if that didn’t work I would give in. My mother said a lot of my problems in my relationship was because I was living in sin by not being married to a woman I’m living with. That relationship didn’t work out and years later I did get married but that didn’t change a thing.

When I married my first wife I knew a little about God but not much about me. I knew my role as the husband was to lead the home but when I tried I was easy manipulated by her tears and she often reminded me how she was there when I struggled with drugs. Guilt and shame would come over me and I would give.

My kids would see that and I could feel their lack of respect for me. I would isolated in the basement wallowing in self-pity watching my marriage slowly come to an end. I knew in my spirit I was to lead my family I just didn’t know how.

We divorced after sixteen years of marriage and two years after that I met Nicole. I stopped drinking and drugging and we got married after two years of dating. But there still was lack of godly leadership in my home. Spiritually I felt Nicole wanting me to lead the home the way God wanted it so I went to Him and asked for help and this is what He said.

Jesus led by love. If I’m to turn thing around in my home I must walk by faith and love. I must listen to my family with compassion and seek to understand them. I must stop trying to control everything and everyone and let the Holy Spirit guide me.

Jesus lead by example. He said in order for me to lead my home I must lead by example. In Ephesians 5:1-2  it say to follow God’s example in everything I do. I’m to lead my home by example with boldness and confidence in Him. I mustn’t be afraid of what Nicole may say or do if she don’t get her way.

Jesus was a servant. God said be a servant in my home first before being a leader in my home. I’m to feed my family spiritually by practicing the spiritual principles of love, mercy, forgiveness, patience, and gentleness. They should see God in me. I’m to love my wife more than myself by putting her first in everything I do and everything I think. Then and only then will she submit to my leadership.

Jesus knew he could to nothing by Himself (John 5:19). God explained I never decided being the head of the house in my heart, if I had I would have went to Him first. First seek His kingdom then everything else will be giving to me that include the order of my home. I did not know because I did not ask.

Today I focus on what God want me to do in my home and leave the results to Him. I’m no longer lead by my feelings or my opinions but by what God expect of me. As a result, I can see and feel the spiritual tone of love and respect in my home and Nicole have no problem submitting to me. Our home blessed and peaceful. A promise God give to those who home is in His order.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Categories: Family, Marriage

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4 replies

  1. Vernon, I am visiting from “Jumping Tandem” as you are my next door neighbor there. And I am so glad I did for your words reflect God’s Truth and the way my husband of twenty years now (we are in our mid-sixties) wants to be as my husband and God’s servant. My husband attended Bill Gothard’s “Basic Life Principles” course (once called “Basic Youth Conflicts”) when Ken was a thirty-something year old man in need of those principles and uses them to this day. Our marriage is a sweet dance after having been married for ten years myself to a man who knew not the Lord or His ways. I am so grateful for the way Ken chooses to follow the Lord and do the best he can, always trying to do better. Glad I came by.
    Caring through Christ, ~ linda

    • Hi neighbor! Linda it’s a blessing for you to come by and share your story. I’m like Ken always trying to do better. It takes courage to lead a family. Thanks and please stop by again we will love to hear from you!

  2. Bless you Vernon as you powerfully choose to lead your family….all by his grace. Visiting from The Sunday Community!

    • You are so right! It was only by His grace Lisha that I humbled myself and asked for help. He said in Matthew 21:22 “If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” I believed. I appreciate you coming by and commenting. I’m blessed to be a part of The Sunday Community from “Jumping Tandem.”

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