The Harsh Truth About Men Being Silent In Their Relationship

imageNo man likes arguing with his wife or girlfriend. He feels he is fighting a losing battle. It took me a long time to realize women are experts at it.


Why is that? Is it because women watch and study men’s every move? I can admit my wife knows me better than I know myself.

I used to resent her for this insight of always telling me about me. But I knew deep within she was right 99.9% of the time.  To this day she never give me credit for my tenth percent. That’s all I want.

An older friend on mine explained to me one day, after I told him I’ve come to understand Nicole isn’t my problem, that God specifically placed Nicole in my life to help me become the man He wants me to become.

He said no other woman BUT Nicole could do it.  Although I didn’t understand it at the time I believed him.

Looking back, I see how my wife plays a mayor part in my ability to talk honestly and openly about my defects and shortcoming to the world without fear of being judged.

This allows me the freedom to be myself and grow.

God said in Genesis 2:18 NLT “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”

Just right for me? Hum… I will tell you what I found out what that means later.

Anyhow, I remember when my son Josh first confessed to me how arguing with a woman is worthless.

He explained women are prepared to defend their “point of view” until death.

Mind you this is my son giving his father the game about women.

The best thing to do is be quite, let them talk, and keep the peace.

He continued by saying it’s something in them that makes them feel the need to be in control, to be right, mostly, to get men to see their perspective.

I was amazed with how fast he learned this valuable lesson.

It took me years of fighting all the time, sleeping on couches and spending nights over moms to understand a fraction of it.

It gotten to the point I surrendered and started doing what most men do, be silent, but every time I did there was something inside me I knew wasn’t right.

It’s one thing to be silent when your wife needs to share something that’s bothering her. But it’s another being silent when you know you should be speaking up.

What is this something inside women that make them rebel against men God’s given authority?

And what is this something making men default to silent when they should be speaking up to women?

Is this the way God intended for men and women to act in marriage?

Lets take a closer look.

But before we look at this something in men lets look at the something in women first.

Ladies before gentlemen right?

Most of us know that Eve ate the forbidden fruit and then gave some to her hubby I guess because he looked hungry or something.

Maybe it’s because God made women to be kind to their husbands when it comes to sharing food.  I know sometimes time Nicole does the same thing and offer me some.

And when I kindly says no she insist I taste only a small piece but at times I still resist.


No thank you darling.

Then he said to the woman, “I will sharpen your pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you. (Genesis 3:16 NLT)

Every time a woman give birth to a child she is reminded of what Eve did in the garden. The groaning, panging, and screaming during child-bearing are punishments to women for Eve’s sin.

For many women the pain of having a child continue for rest of their life.

The guilt, shame and embarrassment her child brings on her for not turning out the way she thought is more painful and last longer than labor.

Men too don’t like when their child doesn’t act the way they like but once they are grown and on their own men get over it pretty fast.

The pain of birthing a child is the first part of God’s curse on women because of Eve’s sin. The second part is women having the desire to control their men.

This explains why a man can’t win an argument with a woman because it have more to do with God than the woman.

Women argue it’s men who’s controlling, on the contrary, it’s a desire God gave them not us. He gave us the desire to RULE.

God gave men the ability to RULE OVER women but not RULE THEM.

If the woman had not sinned she would have obeyed her husband with willingness and meekness.

And if man haven’t sin he would have ruled over woman with gentleness, wisdom and love.

Instead Eve ate the fruit and shared some with Adam (who couldn’t say no like I could) and this leads us to the harsh truth about men being silent in their relationship.


Why didn’t Adam saying anything to Eve when the snake was deceiving her?

The problem wasn’t Eve eating the fruit, the problem was Adam not saying anything before she ate it and eating some too!

Sometimes when I sense something isn’t right when snakes are talking to my wife I say something.

It’s a man thing that have nothing to do with jealousy.

Adam didn’t use his God’s given instincts so here we are living with sin and death.

It’s no ones fault but Adam’s. Why I say that?

Because God went looking for Adam after they both had sinned.

Towards evening they heard the LORD God walking about in the garden, so they hid themselves among the trees. The LORD God called to Adam, “Where are you?” (Genesis 3:8-9 NLT)

Where I come from Adam would had been called a punk. He hid from God then blamed his sin on Eve.

What man blames his woman for not standing up and being the kingdom man God made him to be?

Then I though about how many times the devil tricked me into thinking Nicole was my problem. How many times I told God it’s the woman you gave me.

If Adam blaming his action on Eve makes him a punk then what that makes me?

Back to the story.

And God blessed them and said to them. be fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it [using all its vast resources in the service of God and man]; and have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, and over every living creature that moves upon the earth. (Genesis 1:28 AMP)

God gave Adam stewardship over everything. He said take care of all this and don’t mess it up!

God was so pleased and excited from what He had created that He brought all the animals to Adam and said you name them.

Not only we know Adam can speak but he has a pretty good vocabulary too.

Soon after God put Adam to sleep and made a woman from his rib Adam gets quite.

Really Adam?


I can just see him now drooling at the mouth.

Every man can relate to seeing his beautiful wife for the first time and becoming stuck and speechless.

We men must stop getting stuck on our women good looks and on their good cooking because when it’s time to make healthy choices for the family we must have a clear mind to speak blessing into our home.

God gave Adam the garden to take care of. He gave us a garden too and that was…OUR FAMILY.

Adam’s responsibility was to take care of the garden by nourishing it and cultivating it.

Men have to do the same making sure each family member is growing physically, mentally and spiritually.

We can’t to that by being silent.

The same way Eve actions brought pain and suffering on women.

Well, Adam’s action not only brought sickness and death to the human race but it also cured men with the disease of SILENCE.

Most men don’t have the Godly wisdom to speak up to a woman the right way in critical times.

As leaders of the home we’re not to hit, belittle, or disrespect our wives. We should listen to them with compassion and empathy we then will connect.

The last thing a husband should want is his wife feeling disconnected from him.

I believe this is the reason so many men are absent from the home; their inability to communicate properly with women.

Not because they don’t won’t to be around their children but because they don’t know how to deal with the child’s mother spiritually.

If a problem is spiritual then the solution must be spiritual.

Who make all the decisions in the home these days? Who pay all the bills? Who make the final decision when it comes to the children?


And why is that?

Because most men can’t lead and no woman is going to follow a man who can’t lead. Trust me I know because God had to teach me how to lead my wife and family.

Today the home isn’t in order and generations after generations are affected by it.  It’s a deadly cycle that will keep repeating itself until men learn it’s their responsibility to stop it.

Young men and young women are growing up without their fathers present in the home and if he is present, he’s not taking the leadership role he was given to by God.


There’s a saying men love to say.

“Women, we can’t live with them and we can’t live without them.”

Remember earlier in this post I promised to explain what God revealed to me about making a helper just right for me?

Well here it is.

I found out the reason men can’t live without women is because God said it wasn’t good for us to be alone.

He did not create sports, money or cars for us to connect with.

He created a woman. We’re going to always have that spiritual desire to connect with them.

And the reason we can’t live with them is because we don’t want to learn about ourselves.

God put our wives in our lives to help us grow spiritually by teaching us the things we can’t see about ourselves.

He made them just right for us.

Although women are cured and have a desire to control men and a lot of times their motives isn’t pure but many times they speak the truth.

If men use wisdom and listen to the message and not focus on the messenger or trying to be right.  We can hear what God is saying through them.

I had always said:


God speaks to me in my dreams and through my wife, too much if you ask me.

At times it’s Nicole being Nicole and not God speaking through her. Discernment helps me know the difference.

When men take what their wives say about them to God and allow Him to change them a miracle happens: Their woman falls into the godly order of the home because now they’re attacking a spiritual problem spiritually.

The man who finds a wife finds a treasure and receives favor from the LORD. (Proverbs 18:22 NLT)

When men change and grow it make their wife want to change. Women will go from having a desire to control to a desire to follow.

Because that’s all a woman wants is a strong man who knows how to lead his family.

A man who’s confident in himself to speak what he believe is best for his family and not give into his wife ways.

And a man who can remember God gave men stewardship over women not ownership.


Is some things my wife says she would like me to improve important to me?

How can I encourage my husband to become the leader of the home?












Categories: Marriage, Relationship, Unity

Tags: , ,

6 replies

  1. Ahh, that was very sweet and well said. In a perfect world, men lead and women pour respect and praise all over them, but of course, we live in a broken world full of fallen people, so it rarely plays out that way. You’ve summed it up well however, many women seek control we don’t even really want and many men are trying to avoid taking responsibility they think they don’t want. God is good however, sometimes he gives us spouses that can teach us something about ourselves, and sometimes marriage can become a great blessing.

    • God says we always reap what we have sown. Even after we have been forgiven, we must deal with the consequences of our actions and of Adam and Eve actions too.

      It’s sad but true that many women not having a choice but to stand up and lead the family because men avoiding taking responsibility.

      Many men have deceived themselves into thinking they can escape the consequences of the bad choice of sitting back and letting women lead.

      Being a man is an active process, not passive.

      Thanks for sharing the truth.

  2. Hi Vernon,
    Couldn’t stop myself from smiling at certain points in the post.
    The important thing for both parties to realise is that its not man against woman but both people united to build a front against whatever wants to tear the family apart.
    When we see ourselves as team mates, it would be easier to take correction and make the necessary adjustments.
    Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
    Regards to Nicole.

    • Your absolutely correct Ruth. When husband and wife work together as a team the sky is the limit.

      But on every team each player must play his position and trust his teammates.

      When a husband isn’t playing the position in the family that God assigned him to the whole team loses.

      Thanks for the wisdom.

  3. Hi Vernon,
    I enjoyed reading this post. I especially love the way your son counseled you about women. Imagine that? However, I have to disagree with you on the statement that the pain of childbirth is a punishment for Eve’s disobedience.

    God punished, forgave and had mercy on the couple before the Garden was taken from them. The pain results from a sinful body giving birth to life! The woman ultimately gave birth to the tree of life (Jesus Christ).Think about it I know you will understand.

    A woman who suffers pain throughout the life of their children are those who never release them back to God. Parents have to learn how to do this.

    Also the term ‘rule over’ is not intended for the physical realm because men and women were created equal physically. The man will rule over the woman occurs in the spiritual realm. This means within a marriage the man’s spirit will always overpower the women. Hence the reason the woman try to make up for this by using her mouth. But Christ in both spouse hearts unite your spirits.

    I must applaud you for recognizing that lack of communication is a big problem in marriage. We need to learn how to communicate not compete. Communication is: you speak, I listen and vice-versa. It is as simple and as difficult as that.
    Have a great day and God bless you.

    • Hi Beverley,

      I appreciate and respect your point of view. The pains from child-bearing are affects of sin and results of the Fall.

      The body became sinful because of it. If she had not sin bearing a child would not had being painful. Mary did give birth to Christ but that don”t mean she didn’t experience pain.

      Jesus was born into the world to implement God’s plan for restoration. I believe Eve’s birth pain was to bring her to repent.

      God’s design for marriage is for the wife to respect her husband and the husband to be sensitive towards his wife. I agree that his job to ‘rule over’ is not physical but spiritual.

      And being sensitive is spiritual along with being vulnerable, being openminded and when confronted with the truth even when it hurts, being able to honestly ask himself is this true and become willing to change.

      Man and woman must learn to give their children to God. Because when you think about it they are His anyway. 😀

      I always welcome your comments because they give me a different perspective.

      God bless.

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