What Do I Do When My Mate View Money Differently?

If you and your mate can discuss your finances in a calm manner consider your relationship blessed. Because not only is money the number one reason for divorces it’s also the number one reason for arguments.

But why is this? Why two people who claim they love each other can’t talk civil about money? In this post we will take a look at the root cause of money problems in relationships.

I once knew a guy who loved to save money while his wife spent unnecessary. He was always frustrated because he would have to use their saving to bail her out. I asked him had he ever sat down with his wife and discussed it. He said they see eye to eye on most things but money isn’t one of them.

Couples usually come into relationships with different views about money. That’s why it’s important for them to talk about it early in the relationship.

The guy’s father taught him how to save his money. He was raised in an environment where money was respected while his wife, on the other hand, was raised in a more free-spirited environment toward money. She developed in her youth a “we only live once” attitude that carry on into her adulthood.

Now can you see why they had problems discussing their money? But that’s just touches the surface of their money problems. Lets dig a little deeper.


Some people spend their money on just about everything because of the fear of not having enough. Then there are those who save without spending much at all because of fear of the unknown.

But as for relationships are concerned, most couples don’t talk about their money because they fear their mate will discover how unmanageable they are and they don’t want to change.

Relationships are about change, respect, trust and honesty. It’s about maturing together in love. When you become vulnerable and admit your short-coming to your mate it builds a stronger bond. You become spiritually connected. It takes effort but it can be done.


Honestly share your fears about money with your mate. Also let them know what areas you fall short in. It just may be a strong attribute of your mates. This will let your mate know you trust them.

Respect your mate’s concerns. Although you may had been raised with a certain belief about money, learn to be open to change. Remember you and your mate are a team. And good teammates listen to each other and will do whatever it takes to help his team win.

They say money is the root of all evil but I don’t believe that. I believe it’s our attitude about it that’s evil.













Categories: FEAR, MONEY, Relationships

Tags: , , , , ,

10 replies

  1. Hi Vernon,

    Interesting topic of discussion 🙂

    Yes indeed, most couples have misunderstandings about money, especially when either of them views it differently, just as you mentioned in the post. While one might be a spendthrift, the other partner might want to save, and that’s where the clashes usually come in. Another reason could be because they are so short of it that it makes no sense discussing it, and with no money, it can lead to a crisis too.

    I agree that if both partners come from different backgrounds, it can become very tough for them to live with love and understanding under the same roof. And if they have kids, I wonder what lessons they’d pick up!

    You are right about trusting each other and talking things out, whether it’s about money or anything else is the key. Your bond only gets better and stronger with time and you learn to respect each other’s viewpoints too.

    Most people earn for their living and aren’t born with a silver spoon in their mouth. Life isn’t easy, nor is earning money. But to have both partners look in the same direction where money is concerned would be pure bliss! Doesn’t usually happen always, but with talks and your wonderful tips it can work with ease. Oh yes…our attitude is what we all need to change.

    Thanks for sharing. Have a nice weekend 🙂

    • Hi Harleena,

      I like you added not having money can become a crisis. To me that would even make more sense to talk about it. I know when I was in that situations, I let my wife know what I was doing to try to help her as I looked for employment.

      Nicole was patient with me in the process and didn’t pressure me. It also taught us to save for a rainy day. Then the tables turned and she was unemployed while I worked but because we learned early in our relationship to save and discuss money, we knew that it was just another season we were going through.

      Like you said life isn’t easy nor is making money but when couples learn to talk about [anything] their relationship gets stronger and stronger.

      Thanks for the input on this sensitive subject.

  2. What a great post and this is an interesting topic.

    Money isn’t really the biggest problem in a relationship. For me, I believe it is the perception of what one feels is right and wrong. . For instance the lady who was taught to be spend free believes that saving is wrong while the guy that believes that saving is the best believes that spending freely is wrong. If you look at it closely none of them are wrong.

    Like you have mentioned, communication is the best way to resolve the money problem without judging and pointing fingers. The couples needs to discuss how to manage their finances based on their perception of money and not trying to correct each other.

    Awesome post. Thanks for sharing.

    • Perception is everything Ikechi because it becomes our reality. I believe one could be wrong if they had plans. Take for instance if they both agreed to save for a nice vacation but the wife continued to spend unnecessary. The husband may feel it was wrong for his wife to spend when they agreed to save.

      But with honest communication, the wife could have told him that she have trouble saving then ask him to help her to save.

      You’re right when you say it’s their view on what’s right or wrong that’s the problem. But a lot times it could be distorted base on their perception.

      Thanks for bring that up because it’s a great point.

  3. Hi Vernon,

    I agree with your point. You know most of people try to manage their money and they need it for sure. Money management is hard when your partner think about it differently. Many people like to spend their money so carefully and save it for future but there are many who like to enjoy their life.
    It matter person to person.
    Hope you are doing it fine.;)

    • Hi Rav1,

      It is most definitely a person to person thing. Family relations has fallen apart because of it. The thing to remember is that’s no one is perfect and trying to do things in a perfect manner is signing up for problems.

      But when couples are honest and patience with one another about their finances, it loses it power to causes friction in the relationship. I’ve come to believe that money issues is really a deeper issue base on my experience. And yes I’m doing much better with my finances because of my self-awareness. Thanks Ravi!

  4. Hi Vernon,
    It’s a wonderful one here on your blog for couples.

    I don’t really have a say here because I’m not yet married so it’s not wise I give unexperienced advice, I hope to use your guide concerning money when I’m marries 🙂 did I just say Marry? Sure, it’s certain that I’ll get married though.

    Thanks for sharing.

    • Hi Larry,

      I appreciate your honesty. Marriage is a beautiful thing. It’s one of the best ways for a person to get to know who he really is. Your flaws and defects will show up in ways that you wasn’t aware of.

      When a person can’t put their mate’s feeling and concerns before their own, that’s when problems arises. You can’t have a single mentality being married. Sadly that’s how people usually feels about their finances in a marriage. Not good. Have a great day Larry!

  5. Hi Vernon

    Very important topic you took up here and it needs very frank discussion. I think if a relationship is true in its essence then money should not be a major cause of conflict between both the parties.

    Yes if there is poles-apart viewpoint of each of them with regard to money then differences are obvious. Still it depends upon the nature of the bonding of each other how then handle their difference of approach regarding money.

    Obviously money is not everything in life but equally it is not nothing and can be called a big source to get most of the happiness. Conflict arises when two partners have different level of desires to use money for their fulfillment.

    Thanks a lot for sharing this very interesting and thought-provoking post.

    • Hi Mi,

      I couldn’t agree more with you. At times people have it backward and put money before their relationship. But like you said, if it’s true in spirit than it won’t become a mayor problem.

      Couples should make a conscious decision to be true to one another and true to themselves. Starting with their thoughts and reactions then finally, walking through their fears. Thanks for sharing!

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