That is why they must eat the bitter fruit of living their own way. They must experience the full terror of the path they have chosen (Proverbs 1:31).
In the beginning my mind already existed. He was with me and he was me. He created everything that is. Nothing exists that he didn’t make. He was God.
He said let there be light so I made everything about me. He said my feeling is the compass that guides me and the foundation I should stand on. I developed a deep working relationship with my emotions. Whatever I felt was truth. He saw that I was good.
When I felt uncomfortable he taught me how to depend on him by escaping into the past or future. I felt at peace. He said I’m made in the image of him, so I can think for myself and I don’t need others telling me what to do. That cause me to want to follow his plan for my life. He saw that I was good.
He taught me to never forget and to always keep score of hurts and offenses. He instructed me to withdraw and turn away from people who have hurt me. I spent years alone avoiding people and focusing on differences. I isolated. He saw that I was good.
The only responsible for me is me so stay self-focus he would say.
I learned every successful story I have is because of the work I’ve done and because of my intelligence. My godly mind taught me how being proud of myself and having faith in myself is expression of love. I always acted with the best interest of self in mind and became critical of others. No one could live up to my high expectations. My mind liked what I had become. He saw that I was good.
Then the storms of reality came in from all directions tearing down my self-made world and making me aware of the world around me. Other people need and want shown to me. I tried hard to understand what was happening but it made no sense. I denied it. Denying reality was working. My mind was proud I had discovered it. He saw that I was good.
Denying reality finally stop working and fear set in. I surrendered my life to fear always frightened that reality would show up again. Self-pity, anger, and guilt consumed me. I slowly began to lose hope.
With all the intelligence and knowledge my mind had he couldn’t figure out reality. My god, my mind, abandoned me. The only thing left for me to do was face the one who made reality; GOD.
I told God I was staying out of trouble and I had never hurt anyone. There is nothing wrong with having self-confidence. I confessed I didn’t like when people hurt me and I felt better staying away from them. But now look at my life God I have no friends all because I’m told to live for myself.
Then God asked me, “Vernon, who told you that?”