When a divorce is over it marks the beginning of an uphill journey. Recovering from a it is a long and painful process that may have you asking yourself, “How did I get here?”
While reflecting on that you may see what the divorce has done to you on the outside but not on the inside.
God put on my heart the willingness to share my experience on recovering from divorce. For those who may feel lonely, angry, or hopeless, here are four steps to help you pick up the pieces.
1. Take Ownership
When a divorce is necessary fully accept that the marriage is over. This will make it bearable. The longer you deny it the more painful it will become.
It’s important to find someone to talk to. Someone you can honestly share your feelings with.
Make sure to take ownership on your role in the marriage that lead to the divorce. A divorce will tell you more about yourself than it will the other person.
2. Don’t Lose Your Identity
You may lose your home, retirement, or savings, but be sure to never lose your identity.
It’s one thing to lose your physical comfort it’s quite another to lose your mental comfort. Many people see life in terms of all or nothing.
Don’t fall into this trap because even though God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), he still loves you.
I learned not put unrealistic expectations on my wife. I had an idea of what I thought a wife should be and I resented her when she didn’t live up to those unrealistic expectations.
3. Love Yourself and Your Ex
I’m not a marriage counselor but I know what helped me the most. The best way to get through a divorce is to love the one who hurt you.
It’s easy for your ex to become your enemy but put those feelings aside and understand that the testimony of a changed life is the best evidence of God’s grace.
God tells us to love ourselves and our enemies but learn to love God first.
Once this has happened you’ll begin to love yourself. Realize it’s hard to show love when going through tough times like a divorce but God wants you to face your pain head on. Don’t let your inability to love yourself become your number one enemy.
Forgiveness is the key to moving on and learning how to live again.
Often people let the grieving period of a divorce last too long. There are many people who have moved on despite their hardships and you can too.
We have no control over which of life’s challenges will come our way only how we react to those challenges. When you start to take ownership of your role in a divorce you’ll then become willing to forgive yourself and others.
Applying these four steps will help you move away from the problem and towards the solution.