How To Deal With In-Laws without Compromising Your Marriage


Ian Mulr/Flickr

Have you been thinking about your in-laws lately? Assessing how they are too involved in your marriage?

Wondering how they can make you feel like you’re not good enough?

I can honestly say that friction can and will pop-up in your marriage regarding your in-laws. From borrowing money to giving advice on raising your children, in-laws can become a distraction in your marriage.

But there’s no need to panic and file for a divorce. Because it’s not what your in-laws say and do that’s the problem; its how you react to it.

Here are some points that will help you deal with your in-laws in a healthy way.

Stop saying negative things about your mate to them.

The more you sit on the phone for hours telling your mother how much of a creep your mate is, the more she’s going to feel she need to be involved in your marriage. Parents don’t forget. It’s best to discuss your concerns with your mate at an appropriate time.

Listen to your mate with your heart.

Most people are in denial about their family or they justify their actions. It’s usually our mates who can see things we can’t. Your wife’s or husband’s concerns MUST COME FIRST. Most marriages are destroyed when one don’t put the other first.

Don’t be passive.

If your wife have a problem with your mother don’t expect her to be the one to confront your mother.

It’s your mother and your responsibility. That way, your mother and your wife knows who comes first. Proper communication must be a priority in any relationship.

Be open-minded.

Try to understand your in-laws. A lot of times they have good intentions but don’t know how to let go. They may even feel abandoned.

To parents no person is good enough for their child so try to understand their point of view.

Be patient.

The things that concerns you about your in-laws your mate often is aware of.

Don’t try to make your mate handle it YOUR way. It takes courage to face parents with the truth. Allow your mate his or her process because if you love them you won’t try to fix them by rushing their process.

Don’t try to live up to your in-laws expectations.

You are good parents.

Many problems with in-laws comes from their view on raising children.

Don’t try to raise your children differently so your in-laws will like you.

If you and your mate are satisfied with how you are raising your children that’s all that matters.

All relationships are about love and that includes with in-laws. Deal with them by setting healthy boundaries, keeping peace by putting your mate first, and respecting their point of view.




Categories: Relationships, Unity

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6 replies

  1. Hi Vernon! This is excellent advice, as usual. I especially agree with “Don’t be passive”. Early on in our marriage I was constantly frustrated with my husband’s response of, “Oh, that’s just the way my mom is. It’s easier to let her have her way.” whenever we (mother-in-law and me) would butt heads. It took him a while to realize that all I wanted was for him to stand up for me just once. When he finally did it made a huge difference not only in our relationship, but in my relationship with my in-laws as well. Keep shining your light! Karen 🙂

  2. Karen that was a major turning point in my marriage as well but I was in denial. I didn’t have the courage to take a look at my mother’s shortcoming but when I did, and was honest with what I seen, our marriage was strengthened. Thanks for sharing your experience.

  3. I love these pointers Vernon all of which will lead to marked improvement in your marriage and relationship with the in-laws. Fortunately for me while I was in marriage, I got along very well with my in-laws. Somehow it came natural that they understood how far they could go, they were not meddling at all and we could have a civil discussion without making them feel their input was not appreciated.

    • I get along with my in-laws too but at first they looked at me side ways. And my mother loves the mess out of Nicole. I asked her one day why she love my wife so much. She said because she never have seen me this happy before.

  4. Good points Vernon. I am a mother-in-law. Both of my daughter’s-in-law are wonderful young women. I would never interject in any aspect of their lives. It is their life, and now time for them to parent. They are doing a wonderful job and I have never had any problems, they are a wonderful, welcome addition to our family for many years, and have blessed us with grandchildren that bring us much joy. Let your children enter the world of adulthood with pride, love them and respect them and they will all do the same for you.

  5. Hi Patricia. Your daughter-in-laws are blessed to have you as you are blessed to have them. And I love what you said at the end of your comment. [Respect them]… That’s the problem most people have with in-laws. They don’t feel respected. Thank God that’s not your daughter-in-laws case. Thanks for leaving an inspiring comment.

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