Issues Women Face; Submitting To Their Husbands


Ask any man to quote you a Bible scripture about marriage, whether he’s saved or un-saved and most likely you’ll hear… “Women must submit to their husbands.”

I hear it all the time on the streets and in the church. I use to quote it myself not fully understanding the spiritual meaning of the scripture.

Woman also have a misunderstand about it and what it mean for women to submit to their husbands. Most women believe they wouldn’t have a problem with submitting to their husbands if their husbands would take responsibility first by following God’s plan for marriage.

I actually believed that’s how my wife Nicole started submitting to me, but after talking with her she shed some light on it for me. Something I never considered.

She said I could had followed God all the way to heaven but she wasn’t going to submit to me until she was willing and when she learn how to respect me first. Respecting a man comes before submitting to a man, she said. Is that so? Tell me more Nicole.

Me and my wife can talk just about anything. We are open and honest with each other about our feeling and our beliefs that’s what make us best of friends. When she told me she didn’t respect me when we started dating I couldn’t help but to think about this scripture:

” However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife MUST respect her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33)

As I meditate on this scripture God didn’t say the wife should respect her husband he said she MUST respect her husband. Married men complain it’s their wives disrespecting them that’s causing many problems in their marriage. Hum mm..

Every night I cuddle up with me some Nicole and let her share her experience on submitting while I listen and learn. I knew I needed more information from my best friend on this submission thing. I mean, who best could tell me than my wife?

She continued by telling me she had beliefs about men from her past experiences and listening to bitter women only confirmed those beliefs.  Even though she could see I treated her better than most men she dated, she held on to those beliefs. She said that’s how she protected her heart and that’s how she survived.

Nicole is a strong-will woman who once lived with just her and her children. She went to work and paid all the bills. She cooked and cleaned when she was ready to cook and clean. She was the head of the household. She said getting marry and submitting to a man was a thing her and her girlfriends use to laugh about.

She’s a corporate woman with a college education who once believed that men was only good for one thing and that they are all dogs. She looked at me no differently.

She explained it took her some time to learn that submission is spiritual and it cannot be done in the flesh or along. It took her a lot of praying to God and Him giving her the willingness to do His will that started her long process of submission. She emphasized it’s a process.

“Don’t act thoughtlessly, but try to understand what the Lord wants you to do.” (Ephesians 5:17)

When I told her it’s difficult for women to find a man who can lead a family spiritually. She added it’s just as difficult for men to find a woman who’s willing to submit. She said most wives look at their husbands through their past relationships or how much the man can do for them not giving him a chance. That’s how she once viewed me.

She learned her role as my wife is to help me become a better person and a better man by supporting me and encouraging me when I fall short and not to beat me up about it. I must admit she does that well.

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18)

Today Nicole let me know she still don’t like to clean that often nor cook. I asked her why she does all those lovely things then, is it because she suppose to submit to me?

She said it’s because God taught her how to respect me as a man first and that respect came from Him changing her beliefs and Him giving her the willingness and courage to change.

She concluded most married women pressure themselves into believing they have to submit to their husbands because it’s in the Bible, but if they love God and their husbands they will want to submit naturally because it’s a natural respond to their love. Submission is for wives who want to not have to.




Categories: Marriage, Obedience

Tags: , , , ,

8 replies

  1. Happy New Year Vernon and family!
    I love this post..such a beautiful inspiration coming from you and your wife. Thanks for being so transparent. For me I did not learn what it meant to submit until it was too late. I was not yet a Christian and was still in darkness to what the word of God says about marriage, wife submitting to husband and both submitting to each other. But thank God in advance for His grace because of the new thing that He is doing in me. Being a Christian now, a minister of the gospel, a lover of His word, etc I am getting the understanding that I need to make marriage work this time around.

    • Thank you Yvonne for stop by and blessing us with your comment. What my wife taught me from all this was, submitting to me is a blessing not a chore. I don’t think many preachers preach enough on this because of it negative reputation. I agree it’s about submitting to each other and that’s in the Bible as well, but don’t too men talk about that Matter of fact, my next post will be on just that. Happy New Year to you and yours too, from me and Nicole!

  2. I love this! My thoughts as well, submission as a duty is mechanical and I do not think it will please God much. It is the off shoot of love for God and wanting to please Him and love for your husband wanting to please God and your husband too!
    I really, really got blessed reading this, some women think I am too old school when I share things like this… I am God school, lol
    Please say hi to Nicole for me, I wish I could come from across the oceans to give her a hug!

  3. Wow! What a word for the day! Godly submission rest on the foundation of love which drives out fear. Thank you for sharing Vernon.

    • Thanks brother Sneed! Fear is one of the reason many women don’t submit to their husbands. But like you said, love drive out fear and love never fails. Thanks and have a merry Christmas!


  1. Submit To One Another Out Of Reverence For Christ | Self Reflection
  2. #2014WTWSeries January 11 – More Reasons To Celebrate! | Empowerment Moments Blog

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge

%d bloggers like this: